Should a Man Still Be Expected to Pay?

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A segment on a national morning show got me thinking. Is it outmoded to expect a man to pay for a first date? Is it unreasonable for a man to expect something more than the pleasure of a woman’s company for the investment of time and money? Should the bill be split from date one, two, ever?

The gal on the news segment was a twenty five year old professional woman living and working in New York City. She uses a large online dating service and as part of their questionnaire clearly asks for men that have a good job as one of her stipulations. She dated an average of five nights a week over a month’s time (that was noted) and was treated to nice restaurants in NYC by as many gainfully employed dates. Some $1200 dollars in restaurant food and drink resulted–the news alluding to this as a ‘savings’ to the dating woman. New York is not cheap to be sure and I suppose these men tried to impress this pretty gal by taking her to some nice places. But would she have really spent this kind of cash on herself–so was it a ‘savings’?

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The segment made her out to be a gold digger of sorts. If she was going into the date looking for compatibility–is this gold digging or just trying to get to know a man/men? If she only wanted free food–why use an (expensive) dating service? Of course none of us can see into her heart, but it does beg further, more general question. Should men (still) be expected to pay?

Agree? Or do you think it is incumbent on a man as part of enticing a woman to enjoy his company, to take her to a nice place? These men would have read the stipulations in her profile–that they be gainfully employed. So they clearly would know she wanted a man her equal or more, monetarily. She does not want to be a sugar mama any more than I expect the men want to be taken by a gold digger.

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The traditional ‘man pays’ no doubt began when women were not employed outside the home and were supported by the significant males in their life. Even with the advent of women’s liberation, women still do not make equal pay for equal work. Should this have an impact on if, and how much the woman should chip into the courting process?

And what of the woman who wishes to date only casually. The woman who longs for male companions, but is not particularly interested in settling down OR in being a one night stand? Is there any case for a man expecting sex as payment for date expenditures? Don’t try to tell me you don’t think this runs through LOTS of guys minds. It does.

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Food + Wine = Sex? When did we cross over the ‘a date is to get to know a person as a person’ (and not exclusively a sex object)? Should a woman offer to share costs each and every time? Does this take out the ‘romance’ of male courting female?

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Is it totally a social site dating world now when by the time a couple actually gets together for a one on one date they already know each other well enough to have ironed out these things? Should all this be placed on the table of discussion before that first date?


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Love to hear your ‘take’ Guys and gals…

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